KEY TAKEAWAY
Reconnect with yourself and others while navigating a loved one's addiction.
"I feel so let down".
"Why did they give up like this?"
When they're in addiction, it can really feel like this.
In any relationship, there are unspoken agreements to:
- Show up for each other
- Protect each other
- Support each other in the difficult times
...And they've stopped meeting you halfway.
It's natural to feel disappointed, lost, or let down.
But what if there's a way to recover these lost aspects of our relationships, even when active addiction continues?
Understanding Their Reality AND Nurturing Your Own
Addiction has consequences... and the urgency of those consequences pulls all the focus.
It's not that they don't WANT to meet your needs and engage, it's that they CAN'T right now.
They're actively dealing with:
- intense urges, impossible to control
- physical and emotional withdrawal
- multiple trigger situations every day
- obsessive thoughts about getting access to their coping mechanism...and panic about what happens if they don't
BUT... you still have needs.
Filling The Gap With New Sources Of Connection
Take a second to consider, what did they used to bring to the relationship, that you miss the most?
What was important to you, that's now missing?
Think: values like care, support, open communication, consideration, validation, encouragement, etc.
What outlets, people, activities, or social groups, could you pursue that would allow you to experience these needs more fully than you do now?
Make a list...and follow through with dates in diary.
Bonus Points - At every one-off event you attend, offer to set up another meet-up, with the like-minded people you meet there.
Then, at those new meet-ups, do the same again.
This way, you become the centre point of a growing hub - of people, places, and things, that nurture YOUR recovery.
***
Now, the reality is...we can't change them, or their addiction, from the outside (as much as we want to). That's an inside job.
...But by fulfilling our own needs from multiple sources, we can recover lost experiences, and reclaim those parts of ourselves.
Heads up: it's important to ensure these new avenues we pursue, are **outside the family** - we don't want to create another dependency here 🙂
The Family Recovery Compass Resource Rolodex lists 39 services that connect you with supports and people in exactly the same situation...
