KEY TAKEAWAY
Shift attention to small positive actions to create meaningful change.
You fix all the messes, yet it feels like nothing really changes, long-term.
Every time your loved one:
- Comes home looking like a shadow of their former self
- Ignores you, then throws a tantrum
- Ends up in hospital, or in trouble with the police
It can feel like there are no lasting effects of the effort you've put in; that all your energy is wasted.
But there IS a way to shift this dynamic, using one simple principle.
Here's how:
Applying Positive Reinforcement
Instead of noticing the fallout from all the chaos, start focusing on your loved one's positive actions.
Notice and underline moments when they're sober:
"Our conversation the other day was nice".
Being helpful around the house (however small the action):
"Thanks for (thing they did). It means a lot".
When they mention recovery, even vaguely:
"That sounds interesting. I'd like to hear more about it".
When they speak the truth, no matter how briefly:
"Thank you for being honest with me."
But...when they're using or drinking:
Disengage calmly, withdraw attention until the next positive action occurs.
I know this is tough, especially when you're feeling let down, or frustrated by what's happening.
But the important thing here is to stop criticising the negatives caused by addiction, and start focusing on the positive decisions being actively made by your loved one, no matter how small.
This can lead to a small, but positive cascade effect of:
Will this fix the underlying drivers propping up addiction? No.
Will it take care of deep trauma behind long term patterns? No.
But you can apply this today, and begin to see positive progress, that snowballs, even when you're not around.
Less helpless, more hopeful.
Tangible proof, each day, that your actions ARE having an impact. Sound good?
Hope it helps.
