KEY TAKEAWAY
Protect your heart, regain balance, and cultivate compassion by shifting perspective.
Not everyday, but sometimes, it can feel like living with a ghost.
Your loved one is there.... - physically present - but their personality has vanished.
A kind gesture, a knowing glance, being emotionally present...you haven't seen these in the longest time.
And in their place is a stranger(?)... who looks just like them.
It's disorienting.
Grief for the person they were, before addiction took hold, mixed with the dread of anticipating what this "stranger" will do next.
Trust starts to erode. Even being in the same room with them, can feel lonely.
But...finding stability IS possible.
Become The Observer
There is another way to make sense of this.
We need to separate the external behaviour, from the internal intention.
Practice the Observer Shift.
By mentally relabelling what just happened, we can change our conclusion about it, from personal attack, to symptom recognition.
e.g. Instead of thinking, "A promise was broken", shift the thought to... "A symptom of the illness has appeared".
This sort of change in perspective is compassionate...but also an act of self-preservation.
It creates enough distance to help see your loved one's behaviour as a symptom, not a personal attack.
It helps you stay grounded in the midst of emotional hurt, and prevents a reactive spiral that leaves you more vulnerable in future.
This will take time to practice, get used to.
Be patient with yourself.
No matter how far or close your loved one is, from long term recovery, this process will help you take events less personally, and steady the emotional ship, along the way.
Hope it helps.
