KEY TAKEAWAY
Understand your physical signals to meet your underlying needs directly.
- you hear a can pop open
- you see them retreating into isolation again
- you call them and they don’t respond
...by listening to your body?
With the chaos of daily life around us, we spend a lot of time suppressing signals from our body.
But by speaking directly to the emotions beneath every unanswered call or broken promise, you can begin to feel better, even when circumstances remain unchanged.
Connect With The Feeling, Sensation, Emotion Or Part
The next time you feel yourself reacting to that old trigger again, assume your body has a positive intention.
Thank this part of the body for sending you a message, then internally ask:
- "What happened to me, the last time this happened?"
- "What are you protecting me from?"
- "What need are you trying to help me meet?"
Listen to the responses you get, without judgement. It might feel strange at first. That's normal.
How Should I Speak To These Parts Of Me?
Like a good parent speaks to a young child - listen, understand what you need, then help get the underlying needs met, in a healthy way.
With practice, you'll see that your body is:
- responding to reminders of past pain
- trying to help you get underlying needs met
...in the only way it knows how.
Explore Potential Solutions/Change The Meaning
Next, continue the dialogue by reconsidering the current situation:
- "What else could this situation mean?"
- "Is it possible there's a bigger context or reason I'm not seeing?"
- "What does this help them/me achieve, gain or avoid?"
Find Other Solutions
Ask yourself internally, would it be possible to approach this another way? Achieve the same intent, but by reacting differently, or thinking about this differently?
***
Often the best solution, comes from asking:
"Given everything going on in this situation, how could I feel better about this? Is it possible for me to get my own needs met in this situation, in a different way? By reacting or thinking about it differently?"
Look to surface 3 options, that work in your circumstances, and mentally rehearse these alternatives, the next time you're triggered.
What To Expect
Expect visceral, raw, responses.
Suppressed emotions and memories may surface; it can feel overwhelming at first.
This is normal.
Important: Work with your internal self, to your own comfort level - but it's important to seek help from a qualified therapist, if needed.
What Becomes Possible
With practice, you'll be able to:
- Understand the underlying intentions behind the automatic thoughts and feelings that arise when you experience these triggers in daily life.
- Find creative ways of reacting, that help get your needs met more directly.
Instead of fearing those physical feelings, you'll see them as the body's way of communicating what YOU need most at that time, and be able to adjust accordingly, even when things around you, stay the same.
Take care of yourself.
