Breaking The "Angry At Them" Cycle

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KEY TAKEAWAY

Discover 3 specific reminders for dealing with the anger that comes with a loved one's addiction...

Dear Diary,
 
I'm so angry at them. Over and over again it's:
 
- trying to keep them safe from harm after a binge, when I know another disaster's going to happen anyway...
 
- sacrificing my needs hoping for a turnaround in them... that never happens
 
- and all the while, inside, questioning myself: "Am I doing enough?..."
 
 
But then I remember what my therapist said in our last meeting...
 
Addiction is not a conscious choice, it's a physical compulsion.
 
 
 Honestly, how do I live with that...in reality?

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The next time I feel that angry, I'll remind myself:

- Maybe I'll never be able to keep them safe from the consequences. Is it possible that me removing that pain... is holding them back?

 - Maybe it IS possible for me to get my needs met, when I place more focus on them, and get them met in other ways, outside the family.
 
- Maybe the only way I can feel better about my contribution...is finding others in the same boat. I mean I'm judging me vs me right now, and it's not working. Let me try a few Al Anon meetings, to understand how much others do...
 
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When the chaos is kicking off, and I give so much every day, it's so easy to feel instantly triggered.
 
Let me practice these for a few weeks, and see if they meet my needs better, no matter what's going on around me.
 
It feels like a step in the right direction.

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About the author

Harriet Garfoot

Harriet Garfoot BA, MA has an Undergraduate degree in Education Studies and English, and a Master's degree in English Literature, from Bishop Grosseteste University. Harriet writes on stress & mental health, and is a member of the Burney Society. Content reviewed by Laura Morris (Clinical Lead).

Last Updated: July 28, 2026