KEY TAKEAWAY
Shift from rescuing, to encouraging outside help - meet their needs in healthy ways so addiction loses its pull.
Your loved one may have found that active addiction brings unexpected benefits from others:
These 'secondary gains' can actually make it more appealing to stay in addiction, and dismiss recovery options.
Consider this: When they're in active addiction, do they receive more attention and care than when they're well?
Quick Action: Write down three ways your loved one's life becomes 'easier' when they're in active addiction. Are you responsible for any of these benefits? (Be honest).
Breaking The Cycle
Every time we rush to solve problems, we unintentionally reward the behaviour we're trying to change.
Think of it like this: if someone paid off your credit cards every month, would you change your spending habits?
To tackle this, begin by allowing natural consequences to unfold, while still showing emotional support.
Quick Action: Next time there's a crisis, respond with "I hear you, and I care about you, but I can't solve this for you".
How To Replace Secondary Gains With Other Resources...(And Have A Chance At Breaking The Addiction For Good)
In counselling, many therapists will begin by NOT tackling the addiction directly, but instead by providing resources that help the client's everyday circumstances.
And in some cases, when these additional resources, fulfill the exact needs that the underlying addiction was trying to fulfill, the addiction itself, begins to disappear...
Because why would you need a coping mechanism, when you've fulfilled - in a healthy way - the needs that the addiction was reaching for?
So, the order of tackling addiction, and its benefits, is crucial:
Now, let's be realistic. This is one of those "simple, but not easy" things in life.
But doing things in the right order makes all the difference.
Begin by replacing the secondary gains you may be providing, with external resources:
Important: Notice that all these resources are provided by third parties (not you).
Then, watch as:
By introducing these resources, you create an environment where recovery becomes more attractive than ever before...and you didn't even mention the addiction directly.
Hope it helps.
